Friday, October 31, 2008


My cat is very sick and I am very unhappy.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I've Been To Paris - Paris, France

Current Song: "Capaldi" -- The Court & Spark

P. Diddy JUST CAN'T BELIEVE that Sarah Palin was nominated for VP. Here's four minutes of him just freaking out:


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Can't Get The Air Conditioner Out Of The Window And It's 35 Fucking Degrees

Current Song: It's a Tears For Fears song, I don't remember the words or the title. Actually it might be Duran Duran. I think it's Duran Duran.

What the fuck is going on with today? Also, I'm freezing and all I want to do is go back to bed but instead I've been sitting by my phone/email all day and occasionally doing work. Am I going somewhere? I don't know.

I spent much of my time today researching resources for uninsured folks with mental health issues in this county. It is surprisingly hard to get your foot in the door with getting some goddamn help unless you go to the hospital and/or call 911 and frankly, the answer is no. I fucking hate bureaucracy.

There Was Something In The Air That Night

Current Song: "Fernando" -- ABBA

I don't have to work until like noon today which is fantastic, because I'm enjoying some much-needed sitting around time. I think I'll go shower and then eat some breakfast before my ride gets here. Today is pretty much my last day of work, I think. For a while. I don't know.

I wish I hadn't lost my new coat. It was cute and warm.

All day yesterday and then for most of this morning I thought today was Halloween. I have no idea why.

I need to take my cat back to the vet and I can't get it done until tomorrow, which is kind of stressful. Her ear is caked with blood again and now her eye is swelling shut. I don't love it.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Fucking Rocky Top, Tennessee

Current Song: I'm not sure, I think it's Editors, though.

I ate a lot of lemon poppyseed scones for breakfast and now I'm being offered free lunch and I'm not hungry. Should I take it on principle or just skip the meal because I'm fat enough? I'll probably take it.

Herberger's won't stop calling me and I'm too pathetic to call and say I'm not coming to work there. I keep having these flashes of desperation where I think it's not a bad idea, and then the words "Christmas rush - kid's department" blow through my mind and I shiver with disgust. No and no.

It's sad but I've only been working for four days and I could use a day off. I think I might just hate leaving my house. I need to get out of this rut.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Fall On Your Knees

Current Song: "O Holy Night" -- Traditional

I fell asleep for a while, I have no way of telling how long. I woke up in a panic but I don't remember what I was afraid of. I did that hallucination thing where I thought I was awake but apparently wasn't because the striking thing about it was that my legs had become invisible. Then when I finally regained enough consciousness to sit up, there was a ladybug crawling on me.

I fell asleep while reading a grant application a bunch of times this morning; thank God I was in a room by myself and I managed to wake up before the boss lady came in. That's all I need. I don't know how to list this job on my resume, does anyone here do resume consulting? I really just need someone to write mine for me, since the one I have is way too information-heavy.

I'm tired and my throat kind of hurts but I think it's an allergy problem. I bought all this food on Sunday and I haven't eaten any of it (except some of the Crunch Berries cereal) because I've been getting all my eating done at work on someone else's dime. I haven't eaten since about 1:30 so I should, but I'm not really hungry. I have Ben & Jerry's ice cream and that might be all I want in the world.

Were The Teachers Any Good At It?

Current Song: "Somewhat Off The Way" -- Dogs Die In Hot Cars

I've eaten all the free Famous Dave's that I could possibly shove in my face and now I'm having trouble concentrating on the Market Analysis I'm working on. Too much barbecue...

I'm employed through Wednesday and then I'm on my own again. Herberger's called today to offer me a TEMPORARY position in the Kid's Department and I didn't pick it up. I'll probably call them back late, when I know I'll get voice mail, to say that I don't want it. This job pays enough to cover my rent for the next month, so I'm good until December, and then I'm screwed again. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Apparently, according to the real estate analysis I'm working on, I live in a very low-income neighborhood with a very high rate of houses in foreclosure. I guess that's realistic but it's still a cute place with decent people, and it seems pretty safe, so I've decided not to care. At least rent is cheap.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Sucking On Chili Dogs Behind The Tastee-Freeze

Current Song: "Jack and Diane" -- John Cougar Mellancamp (I don't actually know if that's what this song is called)

OK, I've got grant-writing work from now until Thursday, and then I have the opportunity to join an archaeological dig in Arizona and I'm pretty sure I'm going to pack the cats up and take off. Rock me like a fucking hurricane.

Also, I'm learning about Sharia law and how it affects Muslim business owners' ability to borrow and lend on credit. It's fascinating, frankly.

OK, I'm supposed to be working right now on updating a list of board members on a loan committee. Just wanted to say that if the next time you hear from me I'm an archaeologist, don't be surprised. Keli needs a job and some adventures.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

just oozing life

also unemployment is tormenting me by sending me multiple rejection letters with different rejection reasons. don't they have better things to do? "lord help my poor soul" -- edgar allan poe

An Ill Favored Thing, Sir, But Mine Own

Current Song: "Mack The Knife" -- Quiz Show Soundtrack

I've just realized that I've had a crush on Rob Morrow in Quiz Show for 13 years. It's probably the genesis of my crush on Jewish boys everywhere.

I started working on that grant writing project today for money, which is the best idea ever. Also the lady I'm working for took me to lunch at Rainbow where I had the Honey Walnut Shrimp and it was all I ever wanted in the world. But I've had a stomachache since yesterday and I can't eat anything even though I'm hungry. Probably all the Twix I ate - I polished off that whole 11.40 ounces. Fatty fatty fat fat.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Somebody Buy Me The Bourne Trilogy!!

Current Song: Still the same song. It's stuck in my head.

Matt Damon is hot. Except in The Talented Mr. Ripley, that ruined my life.

I applied to be a Probation Services Assistant with the courts just now. I actually really, really want that job. I've always harbored a secret desire to work in law enforcement. Well, really I've harbored a secret desire to be a Medical Examiner, but it's like nine years of education ON TOP of medical school, and I'm just not sure I'm up to it. I figured I could compromise with Mortuary Science, which is kind of the same, but the U won't let you minor in it, so I just gave up completely. I was a morbid kid, what of it? Anyway, I considered going to law school but there seems to be no branch of the law that doesn't involve public speaking, and that's where we part ways. Damn my crippling mental illness(es).

Oh, and in case I didn't mention it, Herberger's is hiring me to work in the Kid's Department, because they reached directly into my nightmares and ripped out the content. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm not much for kids, and frankly, I'm not much for parents, either. Somebody give me a REAL JOB, or at least HOPE FOR A REAL JOB, before that whole thing gets off the ground.

Keli needs sleeps now. Tomorrow is a weekday, here's hoping I land an interview for a real adult job.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

This One's For Maggie, This One's For Sam

Current Song: "The Mending Of The Gown" -- Sunset Rubdown

I'm considering not getting out of bed tomorrow at all, as a protest against the way my life is going.

I FINALLY heard back from the MN AIDS Project about volunteering for their Halloween fundraiser, and they were all "Yes please!" and then my mom reminded me that I'll probably have to work on Halloween. At which point I started considering never going back to Herberger's and not answering my phone anymore. Because I'd rather volunteer to fight AIDS than work selling winter coats to little kids. That's probably my biggest problem, right there.

I'm hungry but I don't want to keep eating mini-Twix. I've eaten like 10 oz. of them since yesterday and that's not good news, as there's 16 oz. in a lb. Failed.

I ran out of bread so I can't make any more sandwiches. Also the "m" key on my keyboard isn't working very well, so that's great news, because I can sure afford to get that fixed. Jesus Christ.

With 100 Souls And 100 To Go

Current Song: "The Mending Of The Gown" -- Sunset Rubdown

I have to go meet with some jerk at Herberger's tomorrow to find out what department I'll be selling my integrity and pride to work in. I hate this fucking economy. On the plus side, Lila recommended me for a better-paying part-time job that I'd much rather do (grant writing) and Ivy sent me links to the MN Courts website where I applied for a research job that I'd consider killing for, if that wouldn't rule me out from working for the courts. And Kathy said very supportive things to me via Facebook. So it's not all bad. But still, I ended up eating a million mini-Twix bars because I have no impulse control when I am horribly depressed. And all the chocolate makes me kind of ill. I should go to bed so I can be fresh and bright tomorrow to make a good impression on Herberger's for...God, that's the most depressing thing I've said all day. Somebody dig me out of this swamp.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I Am Not Your Friend Anymore

Current Song: "Orchard Of My Eye" -- The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart

Fucking Herberger's fell all over themselves to hire me. Called me back within one hour of the interview. I wish I was dead.

It's cold in here and I'm too depressed to be hungry but too depressed not to eat.

Jason Is A Creepy, Creepy Bastard

Current Song: "Jason Believe Me, You Can't Trust Your Dreams" -- Sunset Rubdown

I DON'T WANT TO WORK AT HERBERGER'S. That being said, I'm still going to smile through the interview and cry when I get home. I need money, more money than I'm making through Google Ads even though y'all have been terribly generous about clicking on shit. I appreciate it.

I looked into filing for Social Security today so that I can just sit around at home being hopelessly insane, but they make it hard and I don't have the attention span. I need a social worker, or a babysitter, or something. Or just someone to pay all my bills. I hate being an adult.

Also I have STRENUOUSLY mentioned to my parents that I don't have any money and I'm in serious trouble, and the only reactions I've gotten are my mother: "I don't have any money, either" and my father: "Move back here immediately and live with me and your mother." Thanks, kids! Both of those are really helpful in resolving my immediate problems of my utilities are going to be shut off at any second. What do really seriously poor people in trouble do when they don't have anywhere to turn? I can't keep buying everything on credit because I have no income and will very soon not be able to afford minimum payments on my credit cards. Not to mention that I pretty much have to default on my student loans at this point. Basically, fuck you, America.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Interview: Tomorrow, 3:45 PM

Current Song: "Opposites Attract" -- Paula Abdul

I am taking many steps backwards right now. I've applied for a part-time position with the Herberger's Dept Store down the street because I'm out of money and big-time screwed. I fucking hate retail, but here we are. At least it's easy to walk away from if I get a real job.

Goddamn my stupid life.

Monday, October 20, 2008

They Always Ask You If You Have A Plan

Current Song: "When I Fall" -- Barenaked Ladies

I tried to convince myself I wasn't hungry, but in the last half hour or so I've failed, so I think I'm going to heat up some tuna steaks and make some tater tots. And probably some green beans, because green beans are delicious.

The horrible mistake I made with my bangs a couple weeks ago seems to be growing out, so I'm less ashamed to show my face in polite society. So that's nice.

I pinched a nerve in my shoulder this morning and it makes me want to die.

I applied to a job at Target Headquarters that I'm not terribly qualified for. I'm still pretending I'm not going to go back to working an hourly retail job, because that shit is why I went back to college. That being that, I'm going under and there's no life preserver in sight, so I don't know what I'm gonna do. Pray for me, I guess.

Are You Dead Or Are You Sleeping?

Current Song: "Satin In A Coffin" -- Modest Mouse

I wish you could keep your life entirely out of my life so I wasn't occasionally struck by sudden, poisonous sadness.

I spent too much of my night reading about dopplegangers and faceless ghosts and whatnot and now I want to vomit with terror. So I'm overbearingly snuggling with my fat orange kitty and wishing I hadn't been home alone since the end of August. I spent too much of my day napping and now it's unlikely I'll ever sleep again, so at least I've got that going for me.

Here's hoping tomorrow is the day I get offered a job.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Send Me A Kiss By Wire

Current Song: It's the song that that annoying frog on the WB used to sing.

Zombie Pub Crawl was a semi-success. We all ended up looking very zombielicious, but the girls opted to go to Sgt. Preston's as the first stop and I can't drink at Sgt. Preston's (the only thing worth going there for are the fishbowls and all of them are caffeinated - I found this out the hard way) so I was WAY more sober than anyone else. Then Nikki and Jess disappeared while Heather and I were in the bathroom in the Corner Bar, and it took us forever and a lot of bitching from various people in the group to find them at Palmers. By the time we got there Nikki was suffering from catastrophic failure, so she, Heather, Leslie and I hopped in a cab and went back to their place. I ordered Jimmy John's which was the best decision ever and then spent the night on the couch listening to Amanda's boyfriend snore louder than anything ever for the entire night. Nikki didn't die, so I rated it a success. Plus there was a lot of general yelling of "Brains!" and mayhem and chanting with other random zombies on the street. The turnout was huge - it's a good thing we didn't walk all the way down to the Cabooze to see Dance Band because they were turning people away at the door before we would have gotten there. They were expecting near 2000 zombies and it that was probably pretty accurate. We'll be there again next year, hopefully with better planning.

I stopped at the Wedge on my way home this morning and bought a 10-pound bag of kitty litter which probably saved my life as far as getting rid of the contaminants in the air in my house. I need cat food a lot, though, so I'll have to go to the store tomorrow. I wish I had a bus pass and didn't have to keep paying the fare in cash.

Even though I had about a martini and a half and a beer last night, I don't feel well today. I'm pretty sure it's less from drinking and more from not sleeping. And also hunger, because I'm famished.

Friday, October 17, 2008

I'd Rather Be Killing Commies

Current Song: "All Fires" -- Swan Lake

My father called to start a fight with me about politics today. He wanted me to know that Obama's tax policies are legislating Socialism and the country is going to be Red before we know it. I told him that I'm sitting here in slippers and a sweatshirt because I can't afford to pay my heat and that I'm having a little trouble feeling sorry for Joe the Plumber and his desire not to lose any of his $250k per year. He countered that he absolutely does not believe in taking money from people who've been successful and giving it to people that haven't. I said that I am of the belief that sometimes, people haven't been successful through no fault of their own. He said he didn't believe that about most people. I said he should believe it about me. That shut him up right good. Republicans.

Well, Winter's Coming Apparently

Current Song: "O Happy Day" -- Sister Act 2: Back In The Habit Soundtrack

I just had an extremely awkward encounter with my landlord and his wife. I was in the backyard wearing just shreds of clothing that happened to be pretty indecent and I was walking around dripping food coloring all over some strips of white sheet (it's my zombie costume for the Zombie Pub Crawl tomorrow.) They pulled up right when I was bent over, cleavage to the horizon, carefully pouring a mix of Karo syrup and food coloring out of a wine bottle and onto the fabric laid on their grass. I smiled and waved and they were just like...that's fine. The wife got out and I said hello and she just goes "I'm not even gonna ask what you're doing" and went inside. Karl just sat in the car and stared at me. Then the wife came back out eventually and got back in the car and they drove away. AWKWARD.

My honor society discount on my phone bill finally kicked in, saving me a few desperately needed dollars a month, thank God.

Although I woke up with cramps today and they've not subsided, plus the whole landlord thing, it's been a relatively good day. I just wish I wasn't going to be so bloated for ZPC, but, what are you gonna do.

Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport

Current Song: Ugh, it's not a musical day.

I am in Hell and Hell is chronic joint pain. The bursitis in my hip has flared up at least as bad as it was in Chicago. Remember how much I bitched about it in Chicago? That's what I've got going again. I can barely move half the time, certainly can't bend over, and have to manually lift my left leg if I want to put my feet up. It's like half of my body just rolled over and said "fuck it." And there is no position -- standing, walking, lying down -- that will bring me any sort of relief. I Hate This.

Also I'm genuinely concerned that our electric and gas will get shut off at any minute and I'll die in this house without modern conveniences. We don't have a fireplace or anything so if we lose the heat I will actually die. As will the cats. This is bad news.

I have heartburn from the attempt at tacos I made earlier.

All I can think about is how much I want to tear my entire left leg off at the waist so that I don't have horrible joint pain anymore. Dear No Health Insurance: you are ruining my life.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Population: Me.

Current Song: Oh, I can't even think this hard.

Hung. Over. From what I remember about last night, I drank at least seven vodka tonics, tried to pick up some kid named Ian who was wearing a sport coat to Burrito Loco, had a shot of some ungodly raspberry thing, had a shot of tequila, may or may not have paid the bill? Lost the coat I'd bought earlier in the day which is now gone forever which SUCKS. Rode the bus to Uptown for some reason, went out with Nikki's roommate and some guy, walked all the fuck over Uptown looking for food. Got two drunk guys to take us through the drive-thru at McDonald's for cheeseburgers. Then I very abruptly got in a cab and managed to get home, leaving Heather and that guy standing on the street corner. At which point I fell asleep until 2:30 in the afternoon. Nooooooooooot a good idea. None of it.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I'm Tired Of Begging

Current Song: "Micro Cuts" -- Muse

Despite my pleading, somehow only one of you has bothered to click on ads on Cynical Bastards? I can't make this any more clear: I AM BROKE AND IN TROUBLE. I'm not asking much of you, you selfish pricks.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

So We'll All Come Praise The Infanta

Current Song: "Inspiration" -- Black Violin

The saga of sitemapping continues. I utterly failed to realize that adding "www" before sites which are not directly attributed to "www" would derail this whole thing. I updated my XML document and resubmitted, so hopefully someday soon I'll have the whole site indexed by Google and it won't be listed as a porn site anymore. The good news is, Conspiracies and Zany Beliefs have both been indexed already, so that should help. I launched the ads late last night and made more than $5 by this morning, so I'm pretty happy with how this is going already. Considering I only paid $9 for the domain name, it seems like it's paying off.

Colin Meloy really loves the word "parapets." Colin Meloy is a weird, weird kid, but I kind of love him anyway.

I really need to buy like bread and peanut butter and just live on that for a while. Bread is filling and if it's whole-grain then it's relatively good for you, so that would work out, right? I'm running out of food and income and it's, it's not good for me.

I'm also running out of kitty litter, so Meredith, come home immediately. Also, I miss you.

Also, I really, really enjoyed NBA point guard Devin Harris getting schooled by this little British guy in a V-neck sweater:

Frankly, Scarlett, I Don't Give A Damn

Current Song: Same.

...And once again I'm up late struggling to learn things about the internet. My first sitemap got rejected because it didn't comply to specifications or something, so I had to redo it. And learn what the hell an XML file is (I'm still not really sure.) The good news is, the content-based ads are up and running on all but the front page, so that'll work out, hopefully. Hilariously, all the ads on the Zany Beliefs page are about racism. I'm not sure why, but content-related ad programs give you bizarre insight into what's going on with your content.

My lip seems to have stopped bleeding, for those of you that may be interested in that kind of thing.

Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day. (Er, today. It's pretty much 2 in the morning.)

This Is The Dawning Of The Age Of Aquarius

Current Song: "Why Can't We Be Friends?" -- War

I'm learning all kinds of crazy crap about website management these days. I mean terribly basic stuff that I should probably already know, like how to create a sitemap. But I'm working on getting Cynical Bastards up and running, because it gives me something to do with my time that may or may not result in a little bit of money. I finally got approved as a Google AdSense site but I had to create/submit my sitemap in order to get Google to index my pages so it can provide me with content-related ads. This process is taking a while and is annoying. However, I'm glad I figured out how to get them to index my page, because it's still listed in their cache as a porn site (it was a terrible porn review site when I took it over. I kept the author's nom de plume because it was fake for that person also. Hence why I'm not credited on the site, even though all content is original to me. It made more sense to credit a site called Daphne's Closet to someone named Daphne, you know?) Anyway, hopefully once I get indexed and the directed ads go up, I can start promoting this thing on more than just this page and my Facebook profile. Since nobody really reads either one of those things.

I habitually pick at the skin on my bottom lip when I'm nervous and that has lead me down the path to injury.

I applied for another job this evening just to make myself feel semi-productive. And because I didn't apply for anything this weekend on the promise that I would start again on Monday.

Does anyone know what season of the Simpsons has the episode where Homer becomes a food critic? I could look it up but it's easier to ask.

Monday, October 13, 2008

At Least I've Got Music?

Current Song: "Dashboard" -- Modest Mouse

My mom called me this morning just to say hi and I decided to worry her by being up front about the fact that a) I have no money, and b) I'm having trouble working up the enthusiasm to do anything but lay in bed and watch the Simpsons. So, sorry Mom, for worrying you. But it's no picnic on this end, either.

I managed to crawl out from under my self-pity umbrella long enough to apply for a job today, but then I gave up on the day and went back to bed. The job pays terribly but at this point, what do I care? I can't get unemployment, I can't find work, and I'm busted out. And I haven't left the house in eight days. This whole thing is going poorly. Plus I stopped taking my insomnia pills because I don't have another refill and I'm going to need them if I have a job and need to get up before noon. And I'm real spotty on taking one of my two forms of antidepressants because I can't afford to get it refilled. So, yeah, life's in the shitter. That's fun. I'm having a really great fucking time.

And By All Accounts You Really Should Have Died

Current Song: "Rebellion (Lies)" -- Arcade Fire

It's grossly humid and I'm about to try to go to sleep, so that's going well.

I've been doing very little in the past three or four days but gather, update and refine content for Cynical Bastards. It's really kind of ridiculously fun. I've been delving into all sorts of Crazy, like a guy in the Deep South that runs an Alien museum, and a woman who spent four months on the planet Meton and gave birth to an alien baby named Ayling. And that's just in the "UFO Nuts" section. My personal favorite right now is the guy who utterly, firmly believes that John Lennon was assassinated by Stephen King. The fun part is that I screen everything carefully to make sure it is written by BELIEVERS and not MOCKERS. Mocking is where I come in.

My boy cat is sexually frustrated and keeps trying to mount the other boy cat. And yells a lot, which is really uncool. I can't afford to get him fixed because I'm dead broke and I had to pay another student loan today which means now I'm in serious, serious trouble. So I research Crazies on the internet to take my mind off it, and to kill time until someone offers me a job.

Somebody remind me, I have to take the trash out tomorrow. Seriously.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

You Have Been Weighed, You Have Been Measured, And You Have Been Found Wanting

Current Song: "Hey There Delilah" -- Plain White T's

I was watching A Knight's Tale while I ate dinner but about half an hour from the end I started crying about Heath Ledger. I'm pretty sure this is a sign of impending PMS. This and the fact that I'm listening to Hey There Delilah on repeat. The lyric writing in this song is piss poor but it's still very evocative.

I had Green Mill deliver a ridiculous amount of food to me. The whole time I was ordering AND when it was delivered I pretended I wasn't the only one home. To the point of talking to a non-existent Other. I have a lot of shame about my food ordering. Also, I need to cut that shit out when I'm hungry. Ordering food is possibly my biggest weakness. No delayed gratification for me, that's for sure.

Somebody buy me a copy of 10 Things I Hate About You. I secretly loved that movie.

I'm glad to see this terrible Plain White T's song is hidden in my playlist between the far more respectable Pinback and the eminent Radiohead. That's comforting in its own way.

Wearing Your Cape

Current Song: "Inaction" -- We Are Scientists

I realized with horror this morning that I haven't left the house since Sunday. Meaning I also haven't gotten dressed since Sunday, because why bother?

I'm baking salmon and tater tots for lunch and it's taking too long already.

I just launched an awesome new website at It's a collection of ridiculous things people believe: fringe science, UFOs, wacky religions, etc. There's a bit of content now but it's still in progress so keep checking back. Bookmark it. Tell your friends. Seriously, I'm trying to make ad revenue on this thing. Also ignore the weird layout on the front page, I'm waiting for the ads. It'll get fixed soon.

I need to work on this "not eating until 4 PM" thing. Not good for me.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Hockey Season: Best Seven Months Of The Year

Current Song: "Tea For The Tillerman" -- Cat Stevens

What I don't understand is why nobody will spend the $176 to buy me a Derek Boogaard #24 customized Wild jersey. I want it so much! Where all my people at?

Wine For The Women Who Made The Rain Come

Current Song: "Vassergelt" -- The Mutant Llamas

I'm reading because I'm morbid like that. Newswire never called so I guess I'm going back to applying for things. I'm still within the limit to hear back from those insane missionaries. If they offer me the job I'll take it. Unless it pays for shit. But even then I might take it just to make the rent until I get a real job. Looking for work is annoying.

Also, I spent an irresponsible amount of money on Chinese food last night, but I'm still eating it so I hope that counts for something? Except the chicken egg foo yung, because that gravy does not keep well. Also, why is it so damn hard to find a place that makes decent General Tso's chicken? This is bullshit.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

And It's Burning Out Your Eyes

Current Song: "For The Pier (And Dead Shimmering)" -- Sunset Rubdown

People are falling out of my past thick and fast these days and it's scaring me a little. All of a sudden I'm in contact with multiple people from high school that I haven't spoken to in eight, nine, ten years. On the one hand it's nice to hear from people but on the other, I'm pretty glad I live really far away from everyone I went to high school with. Internet friendships are all well and good, but face to face interaction might be asking too much.

I'm tired of sitting here waiting for a phone call on that job I want. I'm not good at waiting. It doesn't speak to my strengths.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Shouldn't Have To Ask

Current Song: "That Summer, At Home I Had Become The Invisible Boy" -- The Twilight Sad

I just found out that Sarah Palin has been governor of Alaska for less than two years. Less than two years. Really, America?

I spent most of today watching Boomtown. I've only seen the first four episodes (out of 18) but I'm already halfway sure that it got canceled because it was too smart for the American public. Much in the manner of Arrested Development. God forbid there's a show on you actually have to pay attention to in order to enjoy it.

I need to get my cable hooked up now that hockey games are being played. This means I need to get a job. Funny how all rivers spring from that source.

I ate most of a bag of cheddar and sour cream potato chips with dinner (baked salmon & steamed carrots with broccoli) and now I'm full and thirsty and have heartburn and I still kind of want to keep eating those chips. It's because I'm craving sweets and I don't have anything. This is a bad idea.

And Leave You Here Stripped Bare

Current Song: "The Bachelor and the Bride" -- The Decemberists

I ate a can of chili yesterday for dinner and now I just don't feel well. Thanks, Hormel!

Somebody call that job I want and tell them to do my phone interview already. It's sometime this week and the suspense is killing me.

I don't have any cookies or ice cream or anything in the house and that's just not working for me at all. What was I thinking?

Also, while you're calling that job, Person Who Is The Answer To All My Problems, please pay my bills for me and also clean the house up a bit.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

And Then We're Serious For A Moment

Current Song: "Why Me?" -- Ice Cube feat. Musiq

Ice Cube's beautiful and soulful plea for an end to violence. The young man's (Jamiel) family featured in the beginning is real footage of the family of a high school football star who was gunned down by a stranger just steps from his home after being asked about his gang affiliation. Jamiel was not involved in gang activity and was on his way to a full scholarship to college. This song contains some strong language but whatever, grow up and learn to deal, America. Ice Cube and I are on the same page as far as ending violence.

He Was A Handsome Guy

Current Song: "The Mercy Seat" -- Johnny Cash

I don't have enough food and I'm too broke to keep ordering delivery and I'm too lazy to take a shower so I can go to the grocery store. Not that I can afford food there, either. I should check out those grocery delivery places. Except Simon Delivers went under and I'm not sure who else is out there.

I weighed myself yesterday and it turns out I'm a whale, so that's great. That's just great. Probably all the laying around I do. And the snacking. And the cookie dough. I need a job.

It got down in the 40s last night so I had to get up and shut the windows. I love the fall.

Also I found out our smoke alarm works last night while I was broiling salmon. Apparently this was kicking up some invisible smoke because I didn't see it or smell it, but the alarm sure did. It was about 9:00 PM and I was gravely concerned my landlord was going to come down and yell at me for waking the baby. Especially since the alarm went off about six times before the salmon was done. Especially because I was wearing short shorts and no bra, so I was not in a good place to have a conversation with Karl. I'm fairly sure we haven't really spoken since he drove out to Uptown at one in the morning to pick my drunk ass up. Awkward.

And In A Way I'm Hoping To Be Done With All This

Current Song: "The Mercy Seat" -- Johnny Cash

I officially have caught the cold that everyone else has. So hopefully this doesn't devolve into, say, pneumonia, or some sort of throat infection. Or bronchitis. Or anything else that my colds have developed into recently that have sent me to the doctor's office, since I truly can't afford that at all. I paid my rent today and now I have No Money until I get a job or a lucrative hobby. Like prostitution. Come on, PR Newswire. You know you want to hire me.

In the past week I have reconnected with two people from my past via the magic of the internet. So Kathy or Katie, if you're reading this...don't tell Miranda where I am. She's stalking me, and it's terrifying.

I should be sleeping off this cold instead of typing this. I basically slept until like 6 PM today, though, so maybe it all balances out in the end. Also I spent much of the evening reading the U.S. Army Survival Handbook. I'm learning how to make fresh-water stills and build shelters out of parachutes. For absolutely no reason except that somebody reminded me recently that the projected end of the world is 2012. And/or if Sarah Palin gets into office and we're forced to live off the land by our wits. (I'm assuming that a John McCain win will be quickly followed by a Sarah Palin presidency, since he seems fairly frail and she's terrifyingly ambitious. Remember that scene in Showgirls when Jesse Spano shoves Gina Gershon down the stairs so she can take her starring role? I mean, neither do I, I didn't see Showgirls.)

Also, having girl friends leads to a lot of stupid drama that's sometimes intensely satisfying. It's like high school except it never ends and I'm slightly less awkward. Well, that's a lie. But that being said, I'm glad "It's sad, but not in the way you'd think" brings joy to your life! I love you too.

My throat hurts and my neck is doing that thing where the base of my skull hurts like I'm being stabbed by something blunt but forceful. This annoys me.

Friday, October 03, 2008

I'm Really Into Songs About Death Row

Current Song: "The Mercy Seat" -- Johnny Cash

This is a cover of an old Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds song. The original has a longer set of lyrics and makes a bit more sense, but I am utterly in love with Johnny Cash's interpretation. As follows:

It ALL began when they come took me from my home
And put me on Death Row,
a crime for which I am totally innocent, you know.

I began to warm and chill
To objects and their fields,
A ragged cup, a twisted mop
The face of Jesus in my soup
Those sinister dinner deals
The meal trolley's wicked wheels
A hooked bone rising from my food
All things either good or ungood.

And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this weighing of the truth.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And anyway I told the truth
And I'm not afraid to die.

I hear stories from the chamber
Christ was born into a manger
And like some ragged stranger
He died upon the cross
Might I say, it seems so fitting in its way
He was a carpenter by trade
Or at least that's what I'm told

My kill-hand's
tatooed E.V.I.L. across it's brother's fist
That filthy five! They did nothing to challenge or resist.

In Heaven His throne is made of gold
The ark of his Testament is stowed
A throne from which I'm told
All history does unfold.
It's made of wood and wire
And my body is on fire
And God is never far away.

Into the mercy seat I climb
My head is shaved, my head is wired
And like a moth that tries
To enter the bright eye
I go shuffling out of life
Just to hide in death awhile
And anyway I never lied.

And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this weighing of the truth.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And anyway I told the truth
And I'm not afraid to die.

And the mercy seat is burning
And I think my head is glowing
And in a way I'm hoping
To be done with all this twisting of the truth.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And anyway there was no proof
And I'm not afraid to die.

And the mercy seat is glowing
And I think my head is smoking
And in a way I'm hoping
To be done with all these looks of disbelief.
A life for a life
And a truth for a truth
And I've got nothing left to lose
And I'm not afraid to die.

And the mercy seat is smoking
And I think my head is melting
And in a way that's helping
To be done with all this twisting of the truth
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And anyway I told the truth
But I'm afraid I told a lie.

Operation: Everyone

Current Song: "Countdown" -- Dance Band

My paper finally got published! Journal of Rural Health, volume 24, number 4, pages 345-352. I didn't actually write the text of the paper, but I did a lot of the research and some statistical analysis, and I proofread it and suggested some minor changes which were adopted. And mostly I'm credited as an author which totally rules.

I spent the evening at Ivy's drinking every time Sarah Palin:

* Dropped a "g" on a verb ("comin", "bein", etc.)
* Said "heckuva" or "darn" or something along those lines
* Said "nuc-u-ler"
* Said something unbearably retarded

Needless to say we were pretty smashed by the end. We Tivo'd the debate which was good because we had to keep backing it up in disbelief, like when Palin announced that she was against a second Holocaust. It took us 3 hours to get through the whole thing because we kept pausing it to laugh. Also I missed the closing statements because the recording cut off, but I've looked into the media coverage and it seems like nothing terribly exciting happened. Also, still in love with Joe Biden.

I hustled to the Uptown Transit Center and caught the last bus out with two minutes to spare. Then my driver entertained me with stories about how stupid people on the bus are. Then he said some unfortunately racist things, not like violent but just some generalities. That was a shame, and I was kind of glad when other people got on the bus so we could stop talking.

I need to do something about the fact that I'm not sleeping at all ever. Probably resort to taking some sort of drugs. I refilled my Ambien but I can't get more until I get another doctor. Turns out it's some sort of controlled substance or something. I need health insurance. I have high hopes for the newswire.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

This Is How You Dance When You Die

Current Song: "Unbelievable" -- EMF

My girl cat is smarter than anyone else in the house, I think. She just came into my room and meowed at me to get my attention, and then walked back out. I didn't follow her, so she came back, meowed again, clearly motioned that I was stupid, and then walked back out to the kitchen. I followed her and it turned out the cats had no water in their water dishes. So she came to tell me. She's the best kitty ever.

You'll be glad to know I got my Prozac refilled yesterday, so hopefully the madness ends here.

I'm headed to Happy Hour in Uptown in about 40 minutes to hang out with Kayla, who's in town for a couple days, and the rest of the Usual Suspects. Then I'm going to Ivy's to drink and watch the debate with her and Lucy. I'm pretty excited, it seems like a good time.

Also, our team took fourth in trivia last night. It should have been more but we choked on a question about the game Battleship. Oh well. DJ Steve gave us a free beer because we had the best team name (which was, naturally, "What do we want? Brains! When do we want them? Brains!") When he came in he played a couple of Dance Band songs and I was the only other person in the bar who knew the words. So we took our team name from that zombie song they sing and thus, free beer. Not that we needed it, it was just Greg and Nikki and I and we all pretty much got plastered before the game ended. Especially Nikki. Then she got her head trapped under the seat of a bicycle, and I laughed until I cried. Good times were had by all.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

My Cats Are Pissed Because I Won't Open The Window

Current Song: "Province" -- TV On The Radio

Unemployment benefits are fucking me...apparently I filed like two days shy of when I would have been able to get paid for anything? So I need to call them to see if I can refile now and make it count. This shit is pissing me off bigtime, but whatev, hopefully I just get this job and then it doesn't matter.

I've been drinking for hours and now I'm headed to the bar to play trivia and generally get sloppy. Last week DJ Steve was very rude to me when I drunkenly demanded a free t-shirt. Not my finest moment, but he was a dick. And he was totally wrong about one of his questions. Dick. Also, I got that t-shirt and I've been wearing it for about a week because I don't have enough reasons to get dressed. I'm a sad waste of a human being.

Does anyone else ever have the experience where you go to drink something and you are completely unable to swallow? That just happened to me, I had to massage my larynx to make it work. My body is a ridiculous funpark of things that don't work.

Guys, I think I love you. And that's not just the booze talking. Well, it probably is. Also, to you, or You I guess, I've basically forgiven you for being the world's worst human being, but I still don't really want to see you. So that's a step in the right direction, right? Because it's better than wanting to, you know, cut you. Brutally.

According to this song, love is the province of the brave.

So People, They Trust Me But Sometimes They're Wrong

Current Song: "Pieces Of You" -- Jewel

For my senior project in my high school drama class I made a video of tableaux set to this song. I am not a master of technology and the timing was all off when I premiered it, so it did not get a warm reception. Plus I used my (at the time) boyfriend in the role of the Faggot, which got an inappropriate laugh. But really, what high school kid could you put in that role that wouldn't get a laugh? Maybe Ricky from My So-Called Life, but that's it.

That headhunting place called me this morning and I got through the initial interview for that newswire position. They expect to have a final phone interview set up for me sometime this week. I really, really want this job, and the girl who's arranging it wants me to have this job, since I'm pretty sure she gets a commission. Also salary is apparently in the high $20k range and I can totally live with that, since it also has good insurance which is currently what I need the most.

I ate Pizza Luce for a celebratory lunch and now I'm drinking root-beer-flavored liquor because, well, I'm reasonably sure no one's going to call me for an interview for the rest of the day, and I have nothing better to do. Except I have to call my mom in a couple hours...shit. Ah, I'll text her. Better she doesn't realize I'm drinking alone in the middle of the day.

I was up until at least 4:30 AM watching The Hudsucker Proxy and then Quiz Show, both of which are high on my list of Best Movies Ever. And then I was anxious about being awake for that interview call so I got very spotty sleep from 4:30 on. I'm hoping this booze knocks me out and I can at least get a nap in. I hate not sleeping at all ever because my brain chemicals don't work together in the way they ought. Which is why I clearly need health insurance, maybe more than most people.