I Never Have To Worry About My Transmission

Current Song: "Song Of Our So-Called Friend" -- Okkervil River

I had leftover rotisserie chicken with cheddar cheese and pretzels for dinner and now all I can think about is how thirsty I am.

I seem to have lost my muscle relaxants because I sure don't remember taking them all, but then, God knows what I do in my spare time.

I would kill for a delicious cold root beer float right now.

I'm supposed to go to the fair tomorrow and I don't know if that's going to work. For one thing, I'm pretty concerned about my money situation.

I wish we had cable.

My Mouth Runs On Too

Current Song: "The View" -- Modest Mouse

I've been having a Modest Mouse thing lately.

I've done my productive work for the day, which is to say that I applied to a temp agency. I think temp work might be specifically suited to my a) skills and experience, b) flexibility, c) desire to have a job I can walk out of with no consequences, d)inability to maintain a normal work schedule. Also I like the idea of just having time off whenever I want. And of health coverage. Pretty much it seems like a sweet deal. It's not advancing me down my career path, but I'm young yet.

I'm going to do the world a favor and put deodorant on today. That's a special gift for you, world. I didn't have to do this.

I Remember When, In A Lover's Whisper You Said No Other Man Would Ever Share Your Bed

Current Song: "Reprise" -- DeVotchKa

It suddenly came back to me in a rushing flood of memory, how much I hate Oxford Collapse. What is with people liking this band? Besides for the irony of their drummer being an obvious Village People reject in too-short denim shorts? I'm afraid they're growing up to be The Next Big Thing In Indie Rock and that makes me hate America. Their music sucks, their stage presence is non-existent, and pretty much the only interesting part of their live show was when Keith Murray got onstage and sang instead of the jackass with the guitar who can't dance. And that's not just because I want to do it with Keith Murray (because I'm generally attracted to gay and therefore unavailable men.)

I'm glad I bought interesting things when I had money. Like plane tickets home for Christmas, and DVDs of American Dad. And opera tickets, all the opera tickets.

I'm afraid to go to sleep due to lingering fear over the nightmares I had last night. Also I took Wellbutrin too late in the day and it's technically an upper. Also I passed out this afternoon and got quite the nap in.

My cat is spooning with a book and it's really quite adorable. He's got a weird thing for sitting on, lying on, and apparently snuggling with my book collection. He prefers compendiums of The Onion, but apparently is also quite fond of the Encyclopedia of Ghosts and Spirits.

Speaking of which, I kind of hate Rosemary Ellen Guiley. Nobody cares about this but me.

Also I just discovered the photographic artwork of Sir Simon Marsden and I'm kind of in love.
This is what I want erected in my honor when I die.
Meredith would kill me for letting that in the house, but I WANT IT.

I Should Tell You I've Been Spoken For

Current Song: "Stadiums and Shrines II" -- Sunset Rubdown

Oh my God, so much kitty snuggles!

I slept terribly last night. Twice I woke up from terrifyingly real dreams that the Devil was trying to possess me. Then I had a horrible dream that I was back at work and my supervisor was explaining in polite but firm tones that they were going to tell any future employer that I was lying about my reasons for quitting and that they fired me because of it. And that dream was horribly, horribly real, so that when I woke up I couldn't remember if I dreamed it or I was just remembering it.

I don't think this counts as my first day of unemployment because it's a weekend. Tuesday will be weird.

I'm listening to The Jim Yoshii Pile-Up's song "A Toast To The Happy Couple", which was based on the lead singer's suicide note that he wrote before he attempted to kill himself and was hospitalized for quite a while. This is the first song I heard of theirs, on an Absolutely Kosher Records sampler, and I fell straight in love with them. This song ends with him yelling "you are all hereby formally indicted" and it's pretty intense. Not as intense as "Silver Sparkler", which was written during his recovery and ends with the words "oh my God, oh my God, I am sorry" which basically kills me every time.

I didn't get dressed today and I made no attempt whatsoever to shower. I think I'm going to hang around in pajamas for a few days and adjust to my whole thing.

I miss Johan and Katie.

If You Were The Ship, Who Would Ever Get On?

Current Song: "Parting Of The Sensory" -- Modest Mouse

This is the last blog update I will be submitting from my office. I turned in my keys and packed up my things and I'm headed out the door into the Great Unknown of Unemployment. I'm not that worried, and maybe I should be, but right now I'm just really looking forward to getting some rest.

I got approved for another credit card, thank God, as a back-up, and I'm going to file for unemployment immediately. If they contest that, my God, it's going to get ugly.

Maybe this time I'll be able to stay awake at work and not daydream about getting some horrible disease just so I can get some sleep in the hospital. I am not made for direct service.

Like A Joke Trying To Make Another Joke Laugh

Current Song: "Missed The Boat" -- Modest Mouse

My last day at my job is tomorrow! I'm so happy I could cry. Especially that this split is so amicable.

Like A Rickshaw Getting Pulled Around By Another Rickshaw

Current Song: "Steam Engenius" -- Modest Mouse



That one speaks directly to me. Thanks, Jena!

In other news, I don't know how much longer I have to go to work for but I should be finding out today. Realistically I could just stop going now that I've quit, but they are still willing to give me a reference so I should keep that relationship up as long as possible.

I'm having an Ambien morning where I realized I'd been staring at the patterns of wood grain on my bathroom door for almost five minutes this morning instead of brushing my teeth. I would really like all this to be over and done with. All of it.

It's humid today and I'm pretty sure it is raining/is going to rain all day. And I still don't own an umbrella. But at least I've learned to stop wearing white.

I need a break from this whole mess. By which I mean life, the universe, and everything.

It's True We Named Our Children After Towns That We'd Never Been To

Current Song: "Black Cadillacs" -- Modest Mouse

I told my supervisor I was resigning from my job today and tonight I feel better than I have in months. I have no definite timeline but I was quite specific that I needed to get out of there soon because I was too stressed out. I have the feeling it will all work out in the end.

I think I just heard thunder again.

I Thought She Was Saying "Spoon Operator"

Current Song: "Smooth Operator" -- Sade (?)

There are no acceptable jobs on the market right now. I am fighting the impulse to run out of here and leave a note that says I Quit. But I'm going to have to quit, it's become all too painfully clear, especially with my supervisor in here telling me all about the plans for how the future's gonna go. I'm so bad at quitting jobs, I'm not sure what to do. Should I email? Call her tomorrow? Run away and never come back? God, help me on this.

I have a phone appointment in nine minutes and it's like, can I just leave instead? If this guy has problems I can't solve, I'm gonna be pissed. I sincerely hope I call him and he doesn't pick up. Or he suddenly has to reschedule. Neither of my morning appointments showed up which was great.

Guys, seriously. I don't know what to do.

I Remember When Rock Was Young

Current Song: "Crocodile Rock" -- Elton John (goddammit, Meredith, no.)

I woke up this morning and all three of my kitties were huddled together on the bed hiding from the thunderstorm. I just want to stay home and take care of them, but no, I have to go have my supervisor sit in and evaluate one of my cases. This is an unpleasant thought at best. I may, in fact, put in my notice today.

I hate quitting places, which might be why I've had so many jobs.

I think this thunderstorm is giving me a headache. Or else it's just the strain of having to get up and go to work again. I could really use a part-time job. Or, no job and a rich patron.

Life is so unpleasant right now.

That's What I'm Waiting For, Darling

Current Song: "Desperate Cry For Help" -- The Beauty Shop

I have a plan that basically pins all my hopes to quitting my job and living on credit until I get another job. It's sad that it's come to this, but here we are. Since I found out I can't keep my job, I've been unbelievably stressed out and I think it might be killing me. It's certainly kicking me into crisis mode, to which I respond by never wanting to get out of bed. So it's a self-perpetuating problem, really.

I HATE living in limbo. It's maybe the thing I'm worst at. I barely have a hold on sanity as it is, and the constant pressure is really trying that. Today I just walked out of work at 12:30. Just couldn't be there anymore. This is bad news.

I need someone else to take over and be me for a while so I can get some rest. Right now I feel like there's no escape and trust me when I say that's a dangerous feeling.

I Can't Read Your Language, I Can Only Speak It

Current Song: "Yvan Eht Nioj" -- The Party Posse

I've accidentally spent my entire workday morning looking for and applying for other jobs. Whoops!!

Jesus Mother of Almighty God, I really want to go home and be done with this. Every single email and phone call is stressing me out.

Also, I applied for a job as the team member who prepares consent forms and makes sure all clincal studies comply with donor, organization, and federal regulations for a Pediatric Cancer research team. I'd kill for that job, and I don't even know what it pays.

I Dreamt I Was A Doorway With A Broken Keystone

Current Song: "Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect" -- The Decemberists

I'm wearing knee socks and Mary Janes with a fluffy short skirt and a shirt with a Peter Pan collar and basically I'm the cutest girl you know. Also these clothes are hand-me-downs, because I'm also the least materialistic girl you know.

I only got a couple hours of sleep last night because I was laying awake thinking about how I have to get a new job by November at the latest and how that thought fills me with terror and annoyance. Now I have a headache. I'm supposed to be counseling people online but right now I'm "thinking about alternatives" for the case I have open. This has involved copious amounts of Facebook editing. I should finish this case and look for new jobs.

I say "also" too much.

I'm hitting crisis mode on this thing. Fucking public speaking is continually ruining my life.

Great, Just Great

Current Song: "Shut Up I Am Dreaming Of Places Where Lovers Have Wings" -- Sunset Rubdown

Probing inner questions: Can I really not clean my face without getting astringent in my eye? Am I really this incapable at basic Independent Living Skills (ILS)?

Perhaps most Zen of the probing inner questions: FUCKING REALLY??

People Are Fragile Things, You Should Know By Now

Current Song: "Munich" -- Editors



Also, am I the winner on outing Keith Murray of We Are Scientists? Because he reads a little gay.

It's Sunday so I'm not finding any new jobs to apply for.

I think I've abruptly lost my passion for my work, now that I know it was a gift I couldn't keep.

I wish they'd just fire me so I could a) spend more time sleeping, and b) collect unemployment.

I've been buying these prepackaged tuna steaks off the shelf in Target and the one I had for dinner tasted of nothing but fake mesquite and it was Not Delicious. The lemon pepper kind is really good, though. For vacuum-packed, microwaved tuna steak. Thus concludes my review of my food.

Crap, I just realized I left a tub of cookie dough sitting on the living room floor.

Also, if you knew how I really lived you'd shun me.

Me Hermanos, Me Brothers

Current Song: "We're Leaving" -- DeVotchKa

Nick Urata = delicious.

I'm spending the entire weekend reading in bed and applying for jobs I have no hope of getting.

My work situation has become stressful enough that I want to just stop going.

I'm obsessing about the Pieces Of Flair application on Facebook. Also I apparently created a bunch of flair in a narcotic fit.

I've sure been eating a lot of cookie dough lately.

I need to work some shit out.

Producing Apports By A Wave Of The Hand

Current Song: "Dinner Bells" -- Wolf Parade

I have a huge gubernatorial crush on Joe Biden and his selection as Obama's running mate is basically a sexy political dream come true. Also Joe Biden completely lacks any sense of tact or appropriate editing for an audience, and is basically totally unelectable, except through some sort of freak phenomenon he's been in Congress for years. And he's got ABSOLUTE LOADS of foreign policy experience, for all you jackasses who think Obama is too inexperienced. Also, fuck you. That is Official Democratic Policy. Trust me, I speak for everyone here.

I get the creeping feeling my landlord just appeared on the porch to talk to Meredith again. While utterly ignoring me, still. I don't know if he realizes how creepy that is, but we sure do.

All three of my kitties conspired to keep me napping until about 5:00 PM today because they refused to give up their plan of snuggling me to death.

Also my birthday party = rock. Except our waitress sucked, but that's emerged as a pattern on my birthdays.

I am going to have to find another job. It's a whole thing and it's very depressing and sort of affecting me in a bad way, but whatever, we'll get through this.

Cunts Are Still Running The World

Current Song: "Quantum Theory" -- Jarvis Cocker

I am back to work today and may I say, boo. All I want to do is go to my party tonight and drink irresponsibly.

I've got "Mapped By What Surrounded Them" by The Twilight Sad in my head. Particularly the end where he just repeats "and in my dreams I watched/and in my dreams I watched Emily dance/I watched Emily dance."

Boo to having to go. I'm sure I've got a client this morning.

The First One's Mine, The Second One I Lie About

Current Song: "Marry Me" -- St. Vincent

I skipped work today to sleep in and read and hang out with cats and it was GLORIOUS. That was my birthday present to me.

I'm getting more and more in a bad place over having to teach this 2-hour bankruptcy class at work. To the point that I've started looking for new jobs. My supervisor said she'd check to see if I could get out of it based on crippling fear but she kind of sucks as a supervisor and she hasn't gotten back to me. Meanwhile it's eating me alive. Maybe if I straight-up tell them I'll have to quit if they persist, they'll leave me alone.

I love my job but I kind of want to quit anyway because it's just too much public contact and, let's fact it, that doesn't speak to my strengths.

My cat is curled up on my desk next to my monitor. It's pretty damn cute. He has a really fat face and it's all scrunched up on his paws.

I'm afraid I'm cracking under the pressure of having to talk to people all the time. I very desperately want to go back to a job where I talk to, at most, two people in a day. In a back office with music going and access to the internet. And little to no supervision. I miss my student job.

I guess this is just a note to say that we all recognize that I'm the problem here.

Claiming Access To The Akashic Records

Current Song: "Fitzcarraldo" -- The Frames

It's my birthday so I'm wearing comfortable but terribly unflattering clothes. I am allowed to be fat on my birthday, goddammit.

So what I really want is to fall asleep on my desk. I don't have any appointments today so I probably will.

I'm hungry and I'm thinking about ordering all the Jimmy John's for lunch. Mmmm, sammich.

Sorry for the rambling thoughts of a diseased brain. That's a general sorry.

This Ain't No Corpus Christi

Current Song: "Freedom '90" -- George Michael

Today was a very long and just kind of weird day. The kind of day where a smelly guy on my bus reached into his pocket looking for his transfer and pulled out an entire can of malt liquor, didn't find his transfer, reached into another pocket and pulled out another can. Winner.

Keli needs sleep. Oh yes.

Also, we're going out on Friday to celebrate the fact that I totally lived to be 28. Take that, haters.

My Day Is The First Of The Ascension

Current Song: "I Hung My Head" -- Johnny Cash

Ok, this is the song I'm totally obsessing about lately. Can anyone else see the whole No Country For Old Men thing, or is it just me?:

Early one morning
With time to kill
I borrowed Jeb's rifle
And sat on a hill
I saw a lone rider
Crossing the plain
I drew a bead on him
To practice my aim

My brother's rifle
Went off in my hand
A shot it rang out
Across the land
The horse, he kept running
The rider was dead
I hung my head
I hung my head

I set off running
To wake from the dream
My brother's rifle
Went into the sheen
I kept on running
Into the south lands
That's where they found me
My head in my hands

The sheriff he asked me
Why had I run
And then it came to me
Just what I had done
And all for no reason
Just one piece of lead
I hung my head
I hung my head

Here in the court house
The whole town was there
I see the judge
High up in his chair
"Explain to the court room
What went through your mind
And we'll ask the jury
What verdict they find"

I felt the power
Of death over life
I orphaned his children
I widowed his wife
I begged their forgiveness
I wish I was dead
I hung my head
I hung my head

I hung my head
I hung my head

Early one morning
With time to kill
I see the gallows
Up on a hill
And out in the distance
A trick of the brain
I see a lone rider
Crossing the plain

And he'd come to fetch me
To see what they'd done
And we'll ride together
To kingdom come
I pray for God's mercy
For soon I'll be dead
I hung my head
I hung my head

I hung my head
I hung my head


Sorry, I just really had to get that off my chest, so to speak.

Now That It's All Gone So Horribly Well

Current Song: "Mapped By What Surrounded Them" -- The Twilight Sad

I got to leave work at 2 PM today for a round of appointments/eyebrow waxing. I was so happy. I didn't have any in-person appointments today, either, and it was great. Relaxing, finally.

Meredith and I made horrible life choices at Target that may have resulted in another disturbing round of buying all the clothes without trying anything on.

In a moment of ambition today I picked up all the garbage from my room and surprisingly found both copies of our lease, which we need to switch the utilities over because we're massive failures at everything and haven't done so even though we've officially lived here since June. Yep, you heard me.

My feet smell.

Speaking of things I'm irritatingly self-conscious about, I am making this confession in hopes that I can grow up and move on: I am utterly incapable of admitting to my aesthetician that I need my upper lip waxed. Literally every appointment, I make the appointment for an eyebrow wax and then I ask them to throw in the lip while I'm not looking them in the eye. I don't know why I'm filled with such shame about this: virtually every woman in America has some hair taken off her face. It's the thing to do these days, and it's better than walking around with a mustache and hoping nobody can see it even though you can. Anyway, I hope you can relate to this horribly cringe-inducing self-indulgent confession.

(Also, I ate at Chipotle directly after getting my lip waxed and I got jalapeno or something on my raw skin and half my upper lip swelled and now it hurts like hell but at least the swelling is going down. This did little to diminish how much I enjoyed that burrito.)

Just One Piece Of Lead

Current Song: "I Hung My Head" -- Johnny Cash

I pretty much spent the entire day doing crossword puzzles, watching cartoons, and making stupid Flair for that facebook application. End result: a completely wasted weekend that was not as relaxing as you'd think, since I have nothing to point at and say "I did that, that's what I did." No, I barely got out of bed. And I ordered pizza again and ate it in a narcotic fit because I am a loser who doesn't deserve a regular paycheck.

I am a mess, and I don't even have celebrity status, just a bit of food stuck to my shirt and hair that hasn't been washed in days. I wish I were a different person who didn't entirely suck at being a human being. Pretty much if I'm not at work I'm basically checked out on the world. And that's not indicating I'm productive at work, either.

Everyone is tired of hearing me bitch. Even I'm tired of it. I can't stand to be in a room with myself for more than a few minutes. Sorry everyone, sorry I massively failed at being interesting or functional at all.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK I don't want to go to work tomorrow. What I really want is to go completely fucking insane so I don't have to get out of bed anymore and nobody says anything about it. And people bring me food or else I starve, neither of which are a bad option right now. The conversation I had with that girl who just got out of rehab haunts me, because I told her that if anyone goes down it will be me, and I'm afraid I won't be able to tell Down until I get there.

Stop reading my blog. What's the point, anyway.

Go Now In Peace

Current Song: "Your Song" -- Elton John

Ok, now I'm just outright abusing substances. Where are the people on my watchtower?

I'm tired of the pinched nerve in my back making it excessively difficult to rise from a lying position.

I'm tired of having cramps to the point that all I can do is rock back and forth and wiggle my feet in effort to confuse my central nervous system.

It may be quite simple, but now that it's done...

I Didn't Have The Words For You

Current Song: "Oxford Comma" -- Vampire Weekend

I have a fat orange kitty purring in my lap and that makes me strongly not want to go to work. I think I only have one appointment today, thank god. I need some sittin' around time.

FUCK I still haven't paid my credit card bill, even after helpful reminders! Also I need to stop running up the balance, seriously.

It's sad how much I look forward to casual Fridays.

Grocery shopping = a situation that crossed over into dire and I'm not even sure when.

I realized I haven't listened to any music since the 12th and that's just unholy and wrong. Where have I been lately? Laying on my bed eating candy and reading about paranormal phenomena? Yeah, that's probably it.

If anyone here knows/is a reputable housecleaner, we need to talk.

I've gained like 20 pounds since graduation. I need to stop with the candy and the restaurant food.

You Used To Mean Everything To Me

Current Song: "Dark Shines" -- Muse

Instead of getting up I spent an extra 20 minutes snuggling with my cat. It was a better choice than showering, anyway.

I need to go grocery shopping, urgently.

I spent all day yesterday (9:30 - 4:30) in the same chair in the same room in a meeting. I managed to not fall asleep but wow, that was some day.

I could really use a mental health day.

Remind me that I need to pay my credit card bill like tonight.

If I get another batch of crying clients today I'm going to lose it. All of my clients this week have been psychotic and it's starting to try my patience. If I were a mental health worker I'd have jumped off a building by now.

Dear Seth Rogen: I Want To Bear Your Children

Current Song: "Dream On" -- Aerosmith

Pineapple Express is just great. Just great.

Also, raise your hand if you had movie theater popcorn for dinner.

Today was an epic shitshow. If tomorrow is like today I'm going to need a long vacation in a padded room.

Yep, I Got Scottish There For A Second

Current Song: "Jolene" -- Dolly Parton

Ach, it's been a terrible day and I'm here for another hour and a half letting the terribleness wash over me. Then I have to go home and wrestle my kitty to get him to take antibiotics that he STRONGLY does not want to take. I think he might be a Christian Scientist.

I Can't Be Your Promise Anymore

Current Song: "Endlessly" -- Muse

Back to saving the world one quietly desperate part at a time, I guess.

I need someone to clean this room. I want to throw money at this problem because it's gotten out of the range that I can look at it and think "I can do this."

I discovered a large scar on my big toe that I had never seen before and I haven't got any idea how it got there. Not that I'm losing sleep over it; I'm covered in scars.

I might ditch out of work early today, if possible.

I tried Ambien and it's kind of like death but more relaxing.

Every Yard A Kingdom, Every Child & Dog A Serf

Current Song: A Wolf Parade song that I can't remember the name of and is listed as Track 13 on my player.

I have retreated from the world and into my bedroom as of 12:30 PM on Saturday, August 9 2008. Really bad hangovers will do that to you. On the plus side, Friday night was ludicrously fun. Too bad I don't have the energy to recount it here, but rest assured that it involved me walking 4 miles towards my home at high noon because I knew if I got on a bus I would throw up all over it. It also involved me vomiting in the bushes outside Planned Parenthood, because that's just how classy I am.

Anyway, I wish I wasn't so damn taken down by fatigue and/or pure exhaustion all the time so I could think about enjoying a weekend or two. Pretty much what I do in my off-time is lie down and drift in and out of consciousness. Frankly, it's not healthy, but neither is anything else I do at any given time.

Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes died this weekend and I don't care for that at all.

I have pretty bad heartburn and it's probably from drinking about a half gallon of milk in the last two days. I always crave dairy when I've woken up from drinking too much; I assume it has something to do with alcohol leaching calcium from my system.

I have been reading "Harper's Encyclopedia of Mystical & Paranormal Experience" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and "High Weirdness By Mail" by the Reverend Ivan Stang (founder of the Church of the Sub-Genius) all weekend. It's an interesting mix that simultaneously fills me with compassion and horror for all humanity.

I'm pretty happy with my job, but my social life could use a little engine-revving. Probably if I wasn't sleeping so much I'd be better off. If you don't have your health, you don't have anything.

I Want Them Back

Current Song: "The Old Apartment" -- Barenaked Ladies

Wow, this pain in my neck is a pain in the ass. I need a long therapeutic massage.

I'm wearing heels again so here's hoping I don't break my neck. Unless that would help.

I have another day of work ahead of me, apparently.

The War Came Hard

Current Song: "When The War Came" -- The Decemberists

I went to the doctor to bitch about the horrible life-ending pain that is radiating from just below my right ear, where the base of my skull meets my neck, right into my soul. Unfortunately, doctors are jerkasses (in my experience), so she suggested I get physical therapy, as though I have time for that. And she gave me muscle relaxants which don't really help but do make me very sleepy. And I forgot them at home so all day it's felt quite a bit like my head was resting on a javelin that is piercing my neck. Try counseling people when that's happening, if you love a challenge.

I need to go to the ATM so I can take my kitty to the kitty doctor, because something's wrong with him and nobody needs that.

On the plus side, even in horrible pain with no end in sight, I love my job. Today one of my clients was like "This job must be very rewarding" and I was like "My God, you have no idea." I like fixing things in people's lives so that they are willing to go on living.

I'm hungry but once again, too tired to cook. I need to schedule a physical to take care of the whole fatigue problem but I have to find a new doctor's office for that and that task is overwhelming.

And I had to reschedule another doctor's appointment AGAIN because turns out I have clients that day. I can't wait until September, when I have time in the mornings to get shit done so that I don't have to keep missing work.

Realistically, I can leave now and probably will. I need to lay down with an ice pack anyway.

Chemicals Are Rushing In My Bloodstream

Current Song: "Babylon" -- David Grey

Well, we made it back from Lollapalooza intact, but barely. Some highlights:

*Fighting with Enterprise Rent-A-Car for more than 2 hours in order to get them to rent Meredith a car but to let me pay for it. We ended up getting it because we played the "I'm visually disabled and this is about to turn into a Thing" card.

*Paying really arbitrary tolls on the Illinois highway. Seriously, what's up with that random $1.60 one at the Belvidere Oasis?

*Making up our own Happy Hands dance to Lionel Richie's "Hello".

*Seriously hauling ass out of the endless maze of parking garages beneath Chicago to make it to Radiohead, taking a horrible wrong turn, and hiring a skinny girl with a bicycle rickshaw to drive us to the front gate so that we could actually enter the concert, not just stand outside listening to it.

*Fighting our way through about 40,000 people at Radiohead and still being about 30,000 people back from the stage. Entrance to the festival was capped at 75,000 per day and I'm pretty sure every single one of them was at that show. Also, Radiohead is fucking amazing.

*Driving for hours and hours looking for a place to sleep only to end up staying in a shameful but surprisingly clean motel just for access to the shower.

*Seeing DeVotchKa and Okkervil River pretty much back to back in two of the best shows I've ever been to.

*Getting medical attention for a very intoxicated fella and totally saving his life. Go Team Venture!

*Driving for hours to get out of the city only to somehow end up right next to Wrigley Field in the busiest part of town? Then we saw a skinny bicycle rickshaw guy freak right out about a taxi in the bike lane and try to come right into the car to kill the driver while everyone cheered him on. That kid was awesome.

*Finally going to sleep in a random residential neighborhood in a suburb, in the back of the car, only to wake up at about 9:30 AM to the sounds of some guy horribly verbally (and probably physically) abusing his child.

*Fighting the Kanye kids for space during the Gnarls Barkley show. Kanye was playing later that night at the same stage and a bunch of people were just there to hold seats. Also, a lot of them were wearing the Kanye glasses from that video and may I just say, no.

*Driving through an insane thunderstorm in Wisconsin at 2:30 AM, where the lightning went off about once per second and was so close that our hair was standing on end. That was some white-knuckle thrill riding, right there. Especially since we were in open country in an SUV so we were pretty much the tallest thing around.

There was a whole lot more, like when we got lost looking for the non-existent pedestrian entrance to the parking garage and risked our lives to run down the car entrance, or the delectable corn on the cob, or how there were a lot of failures of humanity at that park. And so forth. I don't know, ask me about it, I guess. Today is my first day back at work and I have an appointment in five minutes.

With My Lightning Bolts A-Glowing

Current Song: "This Modern Love" -- Bloc Party

Well, I'm going to Chicago today. Like I told my mom, if I call you for bail money, don't ask questions or make a big deal about it, just send me the money. I wouldn't call unless it's an emergency.

I realized I have no idea what to pack for this thing. So, I'm winging it. Looks like we'll be sleeping in the car all weekend anyway, and wearing the same clothes, so that cuts down on the packing. Yay for the experience of being a young fuck-up who loves music.

I forgot to change my voice mail and my work email to reflect that I'll be gone until Tuesday. So if you're a client of mine, call the 888 number if you need something, because I sure won't be there to help you.

Also, if you're a client of mine, you shouldn't be reading this. And I'm sorry I called you stupid.