I'm Losing My Voice For Some Reason

I have a job that cares very much about my growth and interests and success as a human being, and I'm pretty excited about that. Remember the part where I could write my own ticket to graduate school? It just got a little bit sweeter.

On the downside, which is where I spend most of my time because I'm a human Eeyore, I had a terribly depressing morning at Squash. I have this problem where I can't wear my glasses, and I haven't been wearing my contacts because I am almost out of pairs and I have to pay to get the prescription renewed. So I've been going without, but it turns out I have a slight depth perception problem, and this morning I hit maybe, MAYBE, 1 out of every 5 balls I swung at. And I mean, at one point I was trying to hit them out of my own hand and I was missing all over the place. It's embarrassing. I hate my stupid lack of eyesight.

This bra doesn't fit and my jeans are falling apart. What I need most of all is a little bit of free time in which to go shopping. I wouldn't think that was too much to ask, but here we are.

Painful, Burning Ruination

First of all, the title is a typo that I thankfully caught before I submitted a paper about STDs. Gonorrhea does in fact cause painful, burning ruination.

If it hadn't been for the hysterical crying and the intense family drama, Rudy's funeral would have been a comedy of errors. For one thing, we got to Duluth at 3 AM and we had to be at the service by 11 AM. For various reasons this didn't work, including the fact that we got hopelessly lost on the way to the church and missed half the memorial. On the plus side, I bought a pack of caramel rolls from Tobie's on the way back.

I'm shockingly worn out, probably from that psychologically exhausting exercise. Yesterday I went and stuffed bags with condoms and lube for SHADE, and then spent about seven hours reading five new chapters and writing an 8-page paper for that horrible distance learning class, in addition to reviewing the rest of the material, because I had to take the final this morning. The final went about as well as the midterm last week, and I submitted the last three assignments about 10 minutes ago, so I am officially officially done. It's quite the load off. Maybe now I can start concentrating on classes I'm actually taking.

Speaking of which, I hate my alcohol and drug therapy class. I don't want to be a therapist. In fact, the idea of being a therapist is so disturbingly awful to me that I've thought about dropping the class since the first day. Alas, it's too late to replace it in my schedule, so I'm just dragging through and doing the crossword a lot. The nice thing about it is that there are no written tests, so as long as I do the assignments I should be alright. Still, what a waste of time.

Tonight I'm going to the Varsity to see Girl Talk with Robby and possibly Carissa. My friend Jon's band (Dance Band) is opening and I'm pretty excited about that. It should be fun if I manage not to collapse before it ends.

I do too much, I think. The end of the distance learning is really going to open up a lot of time in my schedule, thankfully.

Shameless non-profit plug: If you make less than $40,000 a year and you want someone else to do your taxes, come to the free tax fair at the Minneapolis Convention Center tomorrow starting at 9:30 AM. I can screen you for health care and food stamps if you want! All the cool kids are doing it!

Another Desperate Plea For Help That Will Go Unheeded

I've had a headache since 9:30 yesterday morning and I feel like vomiting. Again.

I'm going to Duluth at midnight tonight.

I have "Silver Sparkler" by The Jim Yoshii Pile-Up in my head. This is probably the only positive thing about my life today. The Jim Yoshii Pile-Up is spectacularly good.

I have to go to a three-hour class about child abuse for which I haven't done the reading in about four minutes.

Why with the headache? Seriously, I'm going to cry, and I don't get to go to sleep for hours and miles.

You should come cook me dinner so I can lay down and sob for 20 minutes instead of plowing through.

And Then It Was Snowing

I took some Midol this morning which is caffeinated but is the only thing that prevents me from crawling out of bed and throwing myself under a bus. It has the unfortunate effect of making my heart hurt.

Not enough time exists for me to do all of my required reading, write each of my required papers, and visit all of the required places that I need to be at. My life requires too much of my attendance and attention. Required reading is going to suffer the most, I'd say. Let's hope this isn't the semester that my horrible study habits catch up to me.

I went to training for the Covering All Families Project on Saturday. It seems like fun, but that's not the point. The point is, training was in a really crap part of downtown St. Paul, and I had the following exchange with a gentleman at a bus stop as I was walking past at nine in the morning:

Gentleman: Hey! Hey! Hey!
Me (warily): Um, what?
Gentleman: Are you high?
Me: (pause) No?
Gentleman: Are you lost?
Me: (lying) No, I found where I was looking for.
Gentleman: (pause) Do you know where I can buy some crack?

I didn't. I didn't know where he could purchase crack. But I did think about it, to be polite.

Also, my response to "Are you lost?" was both a blatant lie and really poor grammar.

The other problem with my lifestyle is that it basically prevents me from eating. For instance, it's 5 PM and I've yet to have any food. This is due in part to busyness and in part to the fact that I felt gross all day. I'm hungry now, however. I wonder if Heather ever called me back and accepted my invitation to dinner. I've been in the Walter Library since about 1:30 and I don't get service in here.

At least two of the three papers I have due this week are finished. We can all breathe a small sigh of relief.

And if you were worried that I wouldn't make it to Rudy's funeral, you can stop worrying. Arrangements have been made.

I Think That Means The Building's On Fire

I'm seriously screwed if I don't get a computer pretty much by Saturday. Hello, credit card debt!!

I took the midterm for that horrible distance learning class this morning. Thanks to Nordin for suggesting that I read the Chapter Summaries instead of throwing myself out the window. I have the worst study skills in the world. On the other hand, there were only a couple of questions I genuinely didn't know the answers to, and I shot for half-credit on one of the short answer essays because I could only remember part of the info. But I'd estimate I came out of it with no less than an A-. Which is embarrassing for all of us, considering how much more time I spent screwing up than studying.

I think my boss hates Sunset Rubdown and I'm listening to it anyway. Viva la revolucion!

I may have given the impression in my interview for this job that I am familiar with Microsoft Outlook, which frankly is just a lie. But I don't want to tell them that so I'm cobbling together the knowledge via experimentation, while pretending the whole time that I know what I'm doing. Thank God Outlook is fairly basic, but I hate being a Pretender.

Does anyone else have one of those students in their classes? You know, the ones that are much older than everybody else, that sit right down front and that talk to the professor like they are the only ones in the class? I have a guy who wants to talk about the social construction of personal truth when the rest of us are trying to remember what Freud said about oral fixations. Oh, and don't think he doesn't constantly bring up his real job, either.

Also, Freud is total bullshit, and anyone who disagrees with me can suck my dream cigar.

My Duluth grandpa died last Friday. It wasn't a surprise, he'd had Alzheimer's for as long as I've known him (since 1999. In case we've not discussed this, he's not my real grandfather, but he might as well be. I've seen him more frequently than I've ever seen my real grandparents.) I'm hopefully rushing upstate for his memorial service on Wednesday, providing the weather holds and my ride doesn't bail.

I have so much reading to do.

Oh, Moderation

That guy from my Xanga is clearly stalking me. Try and check the comments. This is seven months or something now. It's freaking ridiculous.

I Have The Campbell's Soup Song In My Brain

I'm pretty concerned because I have an outstanding check for $318.25 and I only have $314.11 in my account. And tragically, I don't have five dollars to deposit. Thanks, T-Mobile, for taking out my automatic payment way earlier than expected. That's very helpful.

I got that job I interviewed for and they offered me $11 an hour to start. Which is good since I live too close to a Lund's to be satisfied with cheap groceries.

This sweatshirt has a stain on it. I'm the classiest girl at the ball, for sure.

I had so many things to do online when I got here and now I can't remember them. I wanted to look at May Term study abroad programs but the Global Seminars don't sound interesting and/or they're in places I've already been. Where are the seminars in Eastern Europe? Whose toes do I have to suck to get to Albania?

I haven't felt well for the last couple of days. It would be just like me to come down with something right in time for the first week of both classes and work. I'm so lame.

I've been watching far too much television lately. I've also been text messaging you and everybody else far too much and I burned through 400 messages in about three weeks. Don't text message me until the 11th, please. I can't afford it.

God, I can't afford anything. Who's got five dollars I can have?

I've Settled Back Into Moderate Insanity

I managed to make it to the internet for a record second day in a row, and it's a damn good thing I did because I had an offer for a job interview waiting for me. It's a job I want that pays pretty well, working for the Medical School, which I am all about. I will let you know how that goes. Let's face it, that's probably all you'll be hearing about for a while.

I met our maintenance guy this morning when I stepped out of the bathroom after a shower and he hollered "MAINTENANCE" at me. It was startling but luckily I was dressed. He was nice, so I filled out a comment card about his niceness and dropped it at the office. I like to have a good relationship with the people I depend on to, say, unclog icky drains.

Last night Dan made a truly heroic effort to scrape together the remains of my laptop and breathe new life into them, but it just wasn't meant to be. Then I subjected him to hours of Law and Order (SVU and CI.) And I discovered that he's unfamiliar with a little television show I like to call Saved By The Bell, which makes me die a little inside. Oh, childhood. We all lost that bet.

I have to go to Uptown immediately and mail these Nokia (Knock-ee-ah, you know) phones back to Piccell or they're going to screw me with late fees and I don't have any money. I had to borrow money just to pay the postage to mail the phones. Piccell offers free shipping, but it's only for one phone, and I have two. Damn you, two! Damn your oily hide.

Jobbity job, oh oh oh job.

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

Not having internet is basically killing me. I went down to UCS to buy a new computer today but all they had for laptops were Macs and I just can't get into that. Macs make me feel helpless, and it's my stance that unless I take up writing music, editing videos, or creating graphic designs, I don't need one.

I have a new niece as of this morning. Her name is Minuet. She has a Chinese middle name that sounds beautiful but I don't have the first idea how it's spelled. I hear reports that she's gorgeous already, which would make sense, as her brother Jacob is the cutest baby in the whole world. I'd post a picture of him but all of mine disappeared when my old laptop went to that great Circuit City in the sky.

I also officially have a home as of this morning. I signed my lease at the Chateau today and it's a good thing because I sure as hell wasn't going to move out if they turned me down. I was prepared to barricade myself in my room. That's why I shouldn't decorate--I get way too attached to the places I live if I allow myself to think of them as home. That being said, I already made that mistake here so now I'm committed. And may I say, it's a good place and I'm happy to be there. Who'd have thought being friends with Charlie would have paid off in such a concrete way? You should all be so lucky.

God help us if I don't get a computer soon. Thank heaven for the Walter Library computer lab and its generous lab times. Also the miracle of new life. Thank heaven for that, too.