Is The Side I Keep From Everyone
Current Song: "The Side You Never Get To See" -- The Frames
I have my initial meeting with my case management team in 39 minutes, so that's exciting.
Hannah came over and did a lot of cleaning and organizing last night (she even did my laundry! She's the best housekeeper ever.) I'm excited about it.
I skipped my sleeping pills last night so I'm running on no more than four non-consecutive hours of sleep. I have a headache from it and on the whole I am Not Thrilled.
Virtually all of my friends are unrepentant assholes and I almost can't believe it. I sent everyone a note yesterday afternoon saying that I had to quit drinking and I wouldn't be at bars for a while and not a single one of them has responded. Fuckers. This is the same group of people that, when I was hospitalized for two weeks and the only sign that I was still alive was a Facebook status update of "Keli is hanging out in the psych ward for a while", didn't even notice. Not one of them made any attempt to contact me at all until randomly the day I got out two of them texted me to see if I wanted to go to Bar Trivia that night (I did not). I'm trying to be forgiving because the alternative is having no friends at all, but that is a shitty thing to have happened and it's hard not to be bitter about it. These kind of shenanigans are why I have major trust issues.
I'm going to have a hard time wrestling with my self-preservation instinct of pretending to be polite and well-adjusted when I meet my case managers. When you've been depressed as long as I have, you get very good at hiding it, because there's usually no other option. But these people critically have to know how bad of shape I'm really in. That's their purpose. It does help that they're seeing me in the context of my own home, where I'm not bothering to dress up or anything.
I have my initial meeting with my case management team in 39 minutes, so that's exciting.
Hannah came over and did a lot of cleaning and organizing last night (she even did my laundry! She's the best housekeeper ever.) I'm excited about it.
I skipped my sleeping pills last night so I'm running on no more than four non-consecutive hours of sleep. I have a headache from it and on the whole I am Not Thrilled.
Virtually all of my friends are unrepentant assholes and I almost can't believe it. I sent everyone a note yesterday afternoon saying that I had to quit drinking and I wouldn't be at bars for a while and not a single one of them has responded. Fuckers. This is the same group of people that, when I was hospitalized for two weeks and the only sign that I was still alive was a Facebook status update of "Keli is hanging out in the psych ward for a while", didn't even notice. Not one of them made any attempt to contact me at all until randomly the day I got out two of them texted me to see if I wanted to go to Bar Trivia that night (I did not). I'm trying to be forgiving because the alternative is having no friends at all, but that is a shitty thing to have happened and it's hard not to be bitter about it. These kind of shenanigans are why I have major trust issues.
I'm going to have a hard time wrestling with my self-preservation instinct of pretending to be polite and well-adjusted when I meet my case managers. When you've been depressed as long as I have, you get very good at hiding it, because there's usually no other option. But these people critically have to know how bad of shape I'm really in. That's their purpose. It does help that they're seeing me in the context of my own home, where I'm not bothering to dress up or anything.
spit at you by Nil at 9:20 AM
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