The Whole World + The Work = The Whole World

I'm using the time between the performances and the eliminations on X Factor to write this little note. Greg left for the US today, sparking thoughts of how close the end is for me as well. I'll be home December 17th..."home" being relative, as I don't have an address right now. I'm hoping the thing with Charlie works out and I don't have to scramble for housing at the last minute like I did last year when I was desparate to get out of the dorms. We all know how well that went. It's hard to be homesick when nothing stays the same, so I just end up being sad for things I can never have again. And that's a lonely place to be. I have hope, though, that the Charlie thing will work out. And Robby and I have set a plan to live together next year, so that's one monkey off my back. It should work out that Robby and I are moving in together at the same time Charlie is leaving for the service, providing all of our plans come to fruition. Then that's a whole year down that I don't have to worry about having a roof over my head. I've come to a point in my life where I've grown to detest moving, yet I still find myself doing it every few months. I think that this problem and its attendant factors are probably why my hair is falling out. I have stress.

I also have cramps but I don't think that's a factor. Although it might be a factor of why I'm so moody today. I spent the majority of my awake time today at the Tate Modern, and it was so crowded that I started to get really pissed. See, I'm filled with a lot of pedestrian rage anyway. I constantly shout at people in my head, like, "Oh, great, please get off the escalator and then stop abruptly so I have to leap around you! It keeps my cat-like reflexes sharp!" Anyway, I have a lot of anger. So today, mix all that unfocused rage in with a huge dose of fluctuating hormones and a dollop of excrutiating pain, and I'll be damned if I didn't physically attack someone. Well, "attack" is an overstatement. But this lady kept walking really slowly in front of me and weaving unpredictably so I couldn't go around her, so at one point she stopped and I just plowed into her. On purpose. I saw her stop. I'm not gonna lie to you, it was pretty satisfying. I said "Oh excuse me" and stepped around her, and she gave me a really weird look, but she didn't reply. I felt a little bit bad afterward, but...that's not really true. I felt like I should feel a little bit bad afterward. But I didn't. Not a bit.